Gratitude
We see this word a lot these days, from comfy couch pillows to memes with scenic sunsets- but gratitude really is a thing! According to the Oxford Dictionary, gratitude is “the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness.” Philosophers and theologians for centuries have recognized the power of gratitude to improve quality of life and recent research suggests gratitude may even mitigate symptoms of clinical depression. POWS and others who have survived incredible hardships often credit the observation of small joys- gratitude, with providing them motivation to persist and survive. As a therapist I have witnessed the power of gratitude, simply put- clients who are able to find gratitude are able to reap greater benefits from psychotherapy.
Gratitude does not surface automatically. Although we live in a time of amazing gadgets, new opportunities, and relative ease, it is easy for our attention to be grabbed by unmet wants or aspects of life that we are dissatisfied with. In fact, humans are biased towards noticing negative experiences because of the way the human brain has evolved as an anticipatory supercomputer- there has been a far greater evolutionary consequence for ignoring potential threats than there has been for overlooking gratitude. By intentionally cultivating gratitude we are overriding the basic instinctual responses of our brain and reaching our uniquely human potential of a higher consciousness- but it won’t happen automatically. Cultivating gratitude has to be an intentional effort.
Starting a gratitude practice is easy and you can start right now. Take a moment to look around and notice the grandeur that surrounds you. If you are outside, try to notice the colors you see, or the sounds that fill the air. Bring something to mind that you are thankful for; maybe it is a loved one, or a recent kind gesture you witnessed or experienced; maybe it is something good in what you see right now. Is it a pattern in the snow, the clean look of a freshly mowed lawn, the shape of clouds or a bright blue sky? If you are inside, notice the temperature, are you sitting on a comfortable piece of furniture? How do your clothes feel on your skin? If it is difficult to access abstract sources of gratitude, or recall images of kindness, focus on your current physical environment.
If you have been able to follow along to this point you are already on your way to creating a gratitude practice! The possibilities are endless, we can be thankful for everything or anything- even hardships that forge us or challenge us to grow can be sources of gratitude.
Tuning into gratitude does not mean negating challenges or minimizing hardships- but instead trying to witness a fuller picture of reality. It is important to validate painful feelings and aspects of your life you are dissatisfied with, of course, but it’s also possible to notice and validate those hardships while simultaneously noticing points of gratitude. Gratitude helps us avoid the “either or” polarity we default to and helps us find a more balanced perspective.
Finding gratitude is important to our mental health. It does not happen automatically and must be cultivated by an intentional effort. We tend to “find what we are looking for” so if you are looking for things to be grateful for, you will find them! Gratitude does not negate hardships or minimize suffering, rather it encourages us to also see areas of light and hope.
If you notice that you can’t find gratitude or feel overwhelmed by sadness, talking to a trained mental health professional can help. Psychotherapy provides a space to explore obstacles to gratitude and can provide the healing necessary to find balance.